Tag Archive: marriage



By Sarah L. Vigue


Photo Courtesy by CovenantMarriage.com

Is there a way to improve upon marriage and to return it to what it once meant: authenticity? Getting covenanted with God solemnizes the ceremony of holy matrimony. How would this look?

First this sacred ceremony happens during the early morning or late evening with the ceremony decorations and atmosphere reflecting Mystery and Anticipation. As the solemnity of marriage occurs, the man and woman are gathered together with the biblical church (whether in a church building or not is left up to the couple’s own discretion) and an anointed pastor/priest/bishop/cardinal with the option of having the one or 3 different leaders to represent the Trinity to whom the couple is making the holy marriage covenant. Soldiers and messengers of the Lord (angels) take the place of the groomsmen and bridesmaids that have become so customary.

The “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God…” are said along with the pastors definition of marriage or any relevant speech that has come from the previous weeks of biblical marriage counseling the couple has undertaken. All around the couple could be torches or candle light.

The couple would speak to the fact that they have disclosed all secrets and confessed all that needs confessing to each other so that the marriage will be lawful. After confirming this, the official would have the couple promise themselves to one another, then the couple would act as one entity making a promise to God. The official would read, from the Bible, the Lord’s part of the marriage covenant.

Photo Courtesy by PurposeofMarriage.com

So both the husband and wife should pledge/promise to take one another, answering to the pastor as well as recite a vow* together to God as they will now be considered one under him. They will light a torch or unity candle (or pour colored sand into one container together) while the symbolic act is explained. They are pronounced husband and wife and rings, if chosen, would be exchanged.

At this point, the Eucharistic supper/communion between the two and a joint water baptism should take place. After this, a peace dove may be released representing the Holy Spirit who is present.

There is a prayer and blessing from the anointed pastor/official in addition to the signing of the marriage certificate to make the sacred marriage also secularly legal if preferred.

What do you think about the above and the ramifications – small or large, seemingly unrelated of very obviously connected? For example, if you aren’t legally married but covenanted by the church, you could take tax benefits as a single person while still being married but whose last name would your kids have? Write your comments below!

*The vow between the man the woman should involve repenting from singleness and turning to being a couple that function as one unit. This is because there is an order of salvation (Ordo Salutis) turning from something (single in this case) into something  (a couple in unity) as part of salvation and a covenant to God.

He’s Not Your Clone

photo courtesy by www.poppysmith.com

photo courtesy by

“Inspiring testimony, transparent, funny, challenging, and grounded in Scripture.” With her warm personality and passion for communicating life-changing truths, Poppy Smith inspires audiences here and overseas to thrive spiritually, personally and relationally. She is a former Bible Study Fellowship Teacher with a Masters in Spiritual Formation. She is also an award winning author and has written six books to help readers live spiritually successful and fulfilling lives. Poppy is British, grew up in England, Sri Lanka, Singapore, and Kenya. Her husband is an American and her complete opposite. She brings an international flair seasoned with humorous honesty to her presentations on how God wants to transform, flip, and make us like Christ in every area of life.

If you get the chance to see or hear Poppy, please do! I recommend her. At the Iron Sharpens Iron Women’s Conference I had the privilege to listen to one of her lectures on marriage. 

Marriage needs more than just romance and romantic feelings. Its ok to dream of being a princess when you are a little girl, but then you must grow up when you are going to marry that prince. You need a strong sense of reality before and during the marriage. Before you get married, you need to review some things about your fiance.

  1. He’s not your clone
  2. You’re not from the same home
  3. Your brains are wired differently
  4. You have different emotional needs
  5. Your view of money matters

You need to find out where the differences and similarities lie. Then you can discuss things BEFORE they become a problem. Your expectations are based on your ideals and how you were brought up. His may be different. During the marriage you can still work in these areas easier since there is a base with which to start.

He’s not your clone.  He doesn’t think like you. He’s not one of your girlfriends.  He is who he is. Don’t try to remodel or control him. Learn ways to adjust to who he is. If you can’t, then maybe he’s not your prince afterall. If you are already married, maybe you ought to pray that God changes you to accept your spouse as he is.

You’re not from the same home. How does his family communicate? Are they quiet and private people or are they boisterous and social? How do they handle conflict? Do they yell and have outburts, but then quickly makeup or do they sulk and brood for days, not speaking to one another? What is important to them? What do they value? It’s alright if there are differences as long as expectations don’t cause confusion. That is why its so important to meet his family BEFORE the wedding.

Your brains are wired differentlyThe sales of glossy magazines that promise to teach you how to work with someone of the opposite gender as well as self-help books along the lines of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” are proof that we need a little help understanding what’s going on inside the heads of men and women. As it turns out, it may be better to turn to neuroscience rather than to Cosmopolitan magazine to figure out what’s going on inside that guy’s brain. Research indicates that men and women do in fact have different structures and wiring in the brain, and men and women may also use their brains differently.

In 2001, researchers from Harvard found that certain parts of the brain were differently sized in males and females, which may help balance out the overall size difference. The study found that parts of the frontal lobe, responsible for problem-solving and decision-making, and the limbic cortex, responsible for regulating emotions, were larger in women. In men, the parietal cortex, which is involved in space perception, and the amygdala, which regulates sexual and social behavior, were larger. Men also have approximately 6.5 times more gray matter in the brain than women, but before the heads of all the men out there start to swell, listen to this: Women have about 10 times more white matter than men do. This difference may account for differences in how men and women think. Men seem to think with their gray matter, which is full of active neurons. Women think with the white matter, which consists more of connections between the neurons. In this way, a woman’s brain is a bit more complicated in setup, but those connections may allow a woman’s brain to work faster than a man’s.

You have different emotional needs  You both love and affection. Women also need conversation. That’s why they need girlfriends to talk with. Women also need companionship. Again, that’s why they need girlfriends to go shopping or to spend time with. Married women should not look for companionship with another man. That will lead to trouble. Men on the other hand want freedom (don’t squash that!) to do things with other men. He’s not being mean. He’s just not one of your girlfriends.

Your view of money matters. What does money mean to you? Are you a saver or a spender? Do you always have to put something away for a rainy day? Or does money mean fun times? Is it a measure of success (keeping up with the Joneses) or does it mean security? In your relationship who is going to have control of the spending? Does that mean dominance? Does it matter who makes the most money?

Look at these important areas in your lives, his and yours. Ask yourself “what is my personality and background like?” What about his? Know what you are both getting involved with.  What can you live with? How can you adjust? It will be worth it to have a long lasting and loving relationship with each other and with God.